Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Redefining Normal

Sleep's taking different shapes, tough to get a handle on it. I get tired easier but I don't sleep as well. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and change all of my clothes. Then at 5am I am itchy and restless. In the middle of the day I could easily take a nap -- unusual for me but I guess that makes me more like everyone else.

My surgeon's assistant calls in the morning to ask me if feeling has returned to the area of skin around my left clavicle. I tell her no and she repeats that I should not be concerned before asking "Are you having any trouble breathing?" Only every time the phone rings.

At work I realize I've found myself talking to someone who Doesn't Know Yet. Isn't this what gossip is for? They're wondering where I've been the last two weeks so I tell them. Free hugs is one of the best things about cancer.

Also, you know what? Never doubt yourself if you should find yourself saying "Let me know if there's anything I can do." It may feel like that meaningless thing you have to say because what else is there to say, but I do actually like to hear it. Probably because if I believe there is something you could do to help me, I would so totally ask you to do it.

I will eat up all your crackers and your licorice.

I've set up a fan at my desk to help keep my fever down. It doesn't usually climb north of 99.5.

The people I work with tell me my attitude is really great. My attitude toward cancer is pretty positive. My attitude toward working is not. Eventually I feel like they are going to notice that.

The really great people I work with ask me how the other people I work with are taking the news. One lady says to me "some people must be treating you like you've become a completely different person." Another says "you should come to work high and tell everyone you smoke to manage the nausea. Of thinking about chemo."

A lady from HR had me fill out some Leave of Absence paperwork and I started looking for that sperm bank brochure. Just another day.

No sense moping over new scars and dead skin.

No comments: