60 Days

5 days of feeling like shit times 12 chemo treatments. By my math it's going to be a long winter.

That's not even accounting for the in-between days, which I don't know much about yet. Technically today is one, but here I am home from work with an upset stomach after a night of no sleep. Math was never my strong suit.

The meds manage the nausea, but I need to manage the meds better. Anti-nausea meds aren't going to get me to eat. I've lost ten pounds already, which is pretty sweet, but I'm sort of at my target weight now and we've only just begun.

The docs told me that both the chemo drugs and the anti-nausea meds would make me constipated. Man they were not lying. They weren't even cautiously suggesting a possibility. I need to get out in front of that better next time with more fluids and laxatives.

I need medicine to help with the side effects of the the medicine I need to help with the side effects of the medicine I need.

Days of forcing down small amounts of food with no appetite followed by days of trying way too hard to get it out again. Chemo has shrunk my world down to worrying about eating and shitting, eating and shitting.

I dream about food. I want to be hungry. I want to want a cheeseburger.

Really it's more like 168 days left. I'm glad I already don't like thinking about the future.