First World Problems, Part 1

Mexico trip has been canceled. The first and most important take-away here: this isn't a choice I made that it makes any sense to question. There isn't an alternative "But maybe if you..." or "Did you consider..." situation. At the beginning, it was worth waiting and hoping, because 1.) my diagnosis wasn't 100% clear and 2.) my treatment plan wasn't totally ironed out and 3.) my physical response to chemo had yet to be experienced. Even my doctor advised me to wait it out a bit. Now my doctor is on board with my decision, which I look at much much less as "I chose to cancel my Mexican vacation" but rather as "Cancer prevents me from going to Mexico right now." Yes, this sucks hugely, but that's the way it is.

Here is why: the longer I do chemo, the harder it gets. The riskier it gets. I have bad days and I have worse days. Passing bouts of headaches and nausea. My body just doesn't feel good. It's busy doing a lot of gross things, like dying inside and being poisoned.

If I am not meticulous about my health, I experience discomfort immediately. I need lots of sleep, proper hydration, and I have to make sure I don't get too stressed out or I start to feel sick. Caffeine and alcohol have to be consumed in moderation (understatement) and my weight has to be watched carefully. My immune system is getting weaker every day, so if I catch the most harmless of bugs it could make me dangerously sick.

While a relaxing vacation may sound like just the ticket, the thing of it is I can't actually take a vacation from having cancer. That's the point of vacations, you leave your worries behind. And party a lot. I don't get to do either. And at the same time I'm taking a huge risk, because in Mexico I'm far away from my doctors and my hospital and in the hands of who knows what health system.

If you're me, you get it: there is no choice. Going away in the middle of "waging my war against cancer"* would be stupid. I'm not chickening out. Take my word for it. I have no desire to be anywhere like 85% of the time besides my sofa. Or my bed. I'll travel and celebrate when I stop feeling gross every day.

If you're supporting me through this crap, the best thing you can do is accept it. Go to Mexico and leave me behind in wintry Massachusetts to do chemotherapy. Sounds pretty crappy, I know. But the last thing I want is to damper anyone's vacation because I can't be there. In fact, the opposite. Please have more fun than planned. For me. I want drunken sloppiness to occur in my name! When people get back, I want to hear crazy stories of awesome things that happened when bad decisions were made (stay safe everybody) because y'all were like: Should we call it or have one more round? One more round, for Scott.

*If you haven't watched Norm McDonald's "Me Doing Stand-Up" then you don't get why this is funny. Maybe you don't have a Netflix streaming account, or a desire to laugh your face off.