Cancer Jokes

I'm all about laughter in the face of death. Or even just sickness, sadness, loneliness, whatever. It's death lurking behind all those things, isn't it? Didn't take cancer to teach me that.

I'm glad not too many people seem put off by my cancer jokes, because if I can't make light of my own shit, then fuck my 99% survival chance, I'd rather just curl up and die. Haha!

You can take my hair, but you can never take my sense of humorrrrrr. I told my girlfriend when the diagnosis was up in the air "If it's cancer I will make it the funniest cancer ever." So I'm on the hook. That's probably the worst part. I'm not very funny.

Some great cancer jokes have already helped me cope with this kind of shitty change in my life. Example: "They should make a movie about your story like 50/50, but call it 99/1."

I also got off a "Knock knock" joke:
"Who's there?"
"Cancer."

Simple. Classic. Hilarious. All of my knock knock endings are based on the ole "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?" gem, so for good measure throw in a:
"Cancer who?"
"Cancer you glad I didn't say [worse disease]?"

Bad jokes have always been my favorite:
"Why did the lymphoma cross the node?"
"To get you to DIE."

I did also claim cancer was part of my plan to start an Occupy Heaven movement. Topical!

Or just blame a fart on cancer. Cancer farts. It could be a thing. Science!

Darnell gets the prize for offering me "a sympathy bang, only cash it in before you get all bald and cancery." That's the level I sort of need people to be at right now.

So leave me some love and maybe some cancer-related humor, it's all good. It will help with the fact that actual cancer symptoms have started kicking in so I'm feeling more like shit. And it will help Wednesday when I am at the hospital for a pulminary exam (breathing into a tube so they can make sure the chemo doesn't fuck up my lungs), a PET scan (let's really find ALL the cancer), and again Thursday for my second biopsy (this one with IV sedation and actual incision, to remove a chunk of the infected lymph node; the first was a core biopsy with a needle that just took slivers).

Wooo! Yea! Cancer dance!