Parts

Another tragically un-holistic thing about modern/Western medicine that's really become an issue for me today is nutrition.

Background information: Despite receiving a blood transfusion yesterday for low red levels, my hematocrits were even lower today. I'm really bottoming out. I'm getting more blood as I write this and I'll need platelets after. And more blood after that.

Also, I have developed painful throat sores that make swallowing and speaking very difficult.

So here's the thing: getting any medical care provider up here to NOT waste my crucially low energy having the same, redundant conversation about my pain management options is impossible. I've hoarsely explained four times in 12 hours that I simply can't start chowing Oxy. It makes me light-headed, even dizzy, possibly pukey.

It's like these people don't understand that I've done this outpatient. They just give you a bottle of pills and send you home! Turns out, I am the best at managing my own pain. Because I am responsible, and attached to my nervous system.

I know there's guidelines and liability issues and whatnot. I need someone to work with me on this process. I need it to be about me and my unique needs.

What I've learned is that I can take Oxy, for sure, but for my own comfort I really need to taper in my dose, start small, and take it with food.

And there's the fucking rub. Getting anybody to talk to me about food is impossible. Every conversation I've had about nutrition has become one about morphine. Morphine is like the bottom of the food pyramid around here!

Finally one confused, beleaguered nurse was like "Do you want me to page the nutritionist?" YES, for the love of God. Once again, the more basic the issue (food, feelings, taking a walk) the more we need to call in an expert.

And thank the baby Jesus, because I already met with the nutritionist once right after my admission and she was awesome. Now she's hooking me up with frappes, Ensure and organic smoothies.

So I was also able to say to my nurse, "Don't you have Ensure?"

She dubiously retorted, "Yea, but most patients don't really like it."

Well, there you have it. I'm not "most patients." I'm MEEEE and I need someone to actually listen and respond to MY needs.

This is all in some part due to today's nurse. Most of the oncology nurses are freaking saints. They've been taking really good care of me. But I really need a nurse who is patient and a good listener, and my nurse today is neither of those things.