30%

I'm back on steroids. Not prednisone, but one I took pre-chemo called Dexamethason. I think it makes me crazier and upsets my stomach more. Apparently these things support adrenal production but my body can become super dependent on them so that it can't produce the stuff on its own. Which is why this treatment is only for another 4 days. Where do we go after that? Back to being an oxy junkie? Weird that medically that is the preferred option.

And get this: it's a 40mg dose, but the pharmacy only had 4mg pills. So I have to take 10 pills at once. And with it the docs have prescribed this weird yellow liquid I need to swish and swallow 4 times a day to prevent thrush, which is a yeast infection IN YOUR MOUTH. Don't even Wikipedia it, the pictures will make you hurl.

None of this -- the pain, the inflammation, the return of cancer symptoms, the need for steroids -- was discussed before I started radiation. I was basically told I would feel better as the chemo wore off and that I should worry about some dry skin and a sensitive throat. Good thing I am seeing all my doctors today, because I definitely need to have a better sense of what the fuck is going on, and to ask the most pressing question: does all this mean my radiation treatments are less likely to cure my cancer?

I want everybody just to know so that you know that my hair is still falling out. I now wear a hat pretty much 100% of the time. I lost 5 more pounds in the last 2 days. Can't beat the cancer diet. I really do look like a sad, sick version of myself.